The DRESS!

So, I'm a big lady. And I have been my whole life, so I wasn't too surprised that I started dreading wedding dress shopping from the moment we got engaged. It's not that I hate shopping, sometimes I even enjoy it, but I never really enjoy looking at myself in clothes. I usually pick very neutral wardrobe pieces so that I can stay comfortable and more or less out of the very critical eye of the general public. I am not sure, honestly, if this comes from being overweight or if it comes from a deeper, more personality-based desire to not be the center of attention. I never knew I had this shyer side to me. I mean, anyone who knows me, even slightly, knows that I've got a big mouth and I'm rarely afraid to share my opinion. I also have a job that involves 20-30 adolescents staring at me all day... I actually AM the center of attention (at least that's the way I'd like to think it's going in my classroom- haha!). But... I am seriously uncomfortable with the idea of people staring at me. I know that the stereotypical adage is that all women look beautiful on their wedding day, but I was just terrified to think of all eyes on me as I walked down the aisle, danced around... it freaked me out a lot.

What freaked me out more was the idea of all this going on while I wore a 20 pound, big, poofy dress. I had already decided years ago when I went wedding dress shopping with a friend for her wedding that I wasn't into a white dress. The white of wedding dresses is an unparalleled whiteness. You know when you go outside during the winter and it's really sunny out and the snow sparkles so hard that you go blind for a moment. The white of wedding dresses is akin to that... but poofier. I'm not saying that white wedding dresses aren't beautiful. They are. That almost-blind thing is really actually sort of breathtaking, but it's also totally not me. The whole rest of the wedding is very country-classic - barn venue and whatnot - so I automatically decided on ivory. Okay, one decision made - and without even having to go to the store!

Then I started thinking about the whole poofiness thing. And the whole princessy, ball-gown thing. Again - these dresses are beautiful. And when I tried some like that on, I really did feel like royalty for a moment. It was a cool feeling, and it really made me feel like a bride in a way I hadn't yet felt... but, still, not me. Before I jump into the stores and me trying dresses on and everything, I should tell you the real story of what happened.

So, you've already gleaned from this blog that I'm a total internet-addict, especially when it comes to research. I found everything for our wedding through reviews, endless Google searches, and sites like theknot.com as well. One day, I was on theknot and they had a little featurette about how popular tea-length wedding dresses are becoming. As I clicked through the pictures, I realized that I was in love with the idea of a tea-length wedding dress. It would be a)less than 20 pounds, b)easy to dance and to move in*, c)in keeping with the more laid-back vibe of the venue, and d)vintage-loveliness. In an amazing flash of fate and wedding magic, there was a dressmaker on the site who does custom dresses, which means that they're totally able to make one in a.... ahem... less than "standard" size.

Unfortunately, these dresses are expensive. Not at first, really, because you see the base price and you think "Well, it costs more than the cake and about as much as two months worth of car payments, but it's less than a month's rent." At least you think that way if you're me, which may be weird, I grant you, but it's how my brain works. But then you add on the customizations, like custom measurements, and... SLEEVES**!! (And hey, why not a row of buttons at this point...) and it really adds up.

So, between the cost of this lovely dress and the utter insistence of my matron of honor that we go dress shopping in a real store where I could actually try on this very important outfit, I agreed to go to the "Bridal District" in Cincinnati (where we found several of our vendors) and go store to store trying on big, poofy dresses. Since I was being required to go, I made the best of it. And... I'm happy to report that I had a freaking blast. All of the stores had much more plus-sized selection than I anticipated they would and it was REALLY fun to play dress-up behind closed doors. But... when I looked at the pictures we'd taken*** when I got home, I just didn't feel like me. Look here, is this me? I don't know... maybe it is. In bringing up the picture from my email again now and posting it, I can't help but smile. I really do look cute in a way, and this definitely do like this dress more than others I tried on that were much poofier and much less me. (Please note, this dress is a size or two too small, but we managed to zip it, so if it looks like I'm not breathing... there's a reason for that!)

After a lot of anxiety and crying - yes, crying - I made the decision to order the dress from the internet that I couldn't really afford. It was a really hard choice to make. I felt really under a time crunch because you're supposed to order your wedding dress while you're picking out your first day of school outfit in first grade and I was also anxious about not being able to try the internet dress on. The company I was purchasing from does have showrooms in LA and NYC, but adding one of those trips on top of the cost of the dress made it even less reasonable. And, I'm going to say this even though I feel a bit bad about it, some of the crying was also because my mom and I have/had very different ideas of what I should be doing with some of the decisions for the wedding, including this one. But finally, with my supportive, amazing guy by my side, I made a decision. He told me to do whatever I wanted and let everyone else sort out their ideas on their own. So... I just bit the bullet and ordered the dress.

One of the funniest moments of our engagement came when it was time to take my measurements for the dress. The company sent us REALLY detailed information about where to take measurements, so James and I took on the job in our living room. It was early June and really hot, so I was sweaty and the measuring tape kept slipping on my skin. James kept inadvertently tickling me and we were both just giggling at the silliness of the situation. But... this felt like me. The person getting trussed up and laced in and assisted in big, huge, princessy dresses, not me. The person getting the measuring tape stuck to her armpit? Totally me. It's embarrassing but true, and I own it.

So, the measurements went off. They had a question, I answered it. I checked the status of my online order weekly to see when it was coming in. And then, a call from my mom: "Guess what came in the mail today?" In just six-seven weeks, my wedding dress had been created! I met my parents and stole away the box, refusing to let anyone even peek at it until I could see it alone. I tried it on by myself, which was a hilarious incident which involved me pulling the zipper up halfway from underneath and then damn near pulling my arm out of its socket pulling the zipper from up top. Then, while I was halfway in and sweating enough to ruin the damn dress, my cat Henry got the tape from the delivery box stuck to his foot and I had to chase him through the apartment trying to free him... in my freaking wedding dress.

I'll be honest. And this is hard, internet, so be nice: I don't love my dress... yet. James and I took my measurements true-to-size, so the dress looks a little bulky now. It has a lot of structure in the bodice and needs to be taken in. I think I also want to have a layer of petticoat taken out of the skirt because that sister is as poofy as any of her longer, whiter, fancier cousins and I need to tame that mess a little. Otherwise, though, I like-like my dress. I might be loving it soon, but for now it's sitting in its practical little black garment bag in my closet (taking up about 1/6 of my closet, I might add), waiting for the ONE day I'm ever going to wear it. That's still a weird concept for me (especially considering the almost-unmentionable amount of $$ it cost), but I'm getting more and more excited.

I still haven't decided on the whole veil scenario, but I am definitely wearing blue shoes. I bought them and sent them off to be dyed last week. The shoes, at least, I feel sure about... maybe the rest will come? We'll see!


*Like going to the bathroom... by myself! I have no desire to have my wedding party holding up my dress while I pee... this would make me feel decidedly less like a princess.
**Why "SLEEVES" and not "sleeves"? I'll be brutally honest in a way I'm not sure you're supposed to be on the internet. I. hate. my. arms. Out of all my flabby body parts, they're often my least favorite. Ever wonder why I'm always in a wrap or cardigan? Besides the clothing industry's seeming inability to make a decent 3/4 length sleeved t-shirt, it's because I. hate. my. arms. So... being able to add SLEEVES to my dress automatically crossed a HUGE worry off my "things I will be forced to accept about wedding dresses that I would rather die than deal with" list.
***These were only at two stores, though, because several stores wouldn't allow us to take pictures... Stupid policy, really, but I SORT OF understand why they have it.

Vendor Meetings (Post 5 - Florists)

Here I am - finally - with my last vendor post. As I alluded to in my long list in the last entry, there are still many posts to come, but this is the final installment in the official "planning" part of the process. Of course we've done a lot of planning since way back in winter when we had all these meetings, but the vendors comprise the "big" stuff (and let me tell you how good it felt to cross those "big" things off the list!).

Just like with the DJ's, we ended up meeting with only 2 florists: TLB and CLF. TLB had come highly recommended from some friends of ours who were married several years ago and CLF had very professional communications including a really helpful survey that helped me sort of take stock of the whole floral process. I have a confession: I'm not really into flowers. I mean, I think they're pretty and everything, but since we have very munchy cats, I don't ever really have them around. I don't know much beyond "Hey, that's a rose!" or "Hey, that's a sunflower!", so the whole wedding flower process was daunting to me.

Thankfully, I had seen pictures of bouquets online that I liked and even put together a sort of pretentious little lookbook (can you call something a "book" if it's only 3 pages) to take with us to the meetings. I may or may not have insisted that this document be printed on excessively costly glossy stock and it may or may not have been adorned with the title "Floral Inspirations" in a really prissy downloaded font. Just to be clear, I'm not claiming I don't have issues. (Clearly.)

Our meeting at TLB went well. They had some really cool resources like books full of pictures of flowers and what season they are blooming and tons and tons of rentable materials. They had branches, vases, wood pieces for centerpieces, and even shepherd's hooks for our outdoor ceremony. In this process I realized that what professional florists really offer is expertise and those staging-style props. Honestly, it's not much different from the caterers in that way. As we were talking to the florist, though, I started to realize how much this was all going to cost. And we had been to several meetings in the past few weeks that had included price tags in the thousands... I was having a hard time imagining another big bill. Between the centerpieces on the individual tables, a different one for the head table, some sort of decorations for the outdoor ceremony, and then bouquets and boutonnieres... That's a lot of dead little plant sex organs. (I hate to be so brash here, but really... that's what flowers are. It's a lot more creepy, though, when you think of it that way...)

Our second meeting made me feel more of the same. I really enjoyed meeting with the floral designer and I loved looking around their office. While TLB's office was a table in the front of their store front (which was sort of a large workspace with checkout counter with much of their stock visible), CLF's office was very small and quaint and FULL of ribbon. There were at least three or four ribbon caddies on the walls... so fun! At this meeting, I actually realized how much of a taste I'd acquired about flowers in such a short amount of time. I had researched the names of flowers, their seasonality (though I'm not sure that's a word), and I'd realized things like the fact that I wanted a more non-traditional, organic sort of bouquet. It's funny how looking at hundreds of pictures on the internet helps you to a) lose your mind so that you end up printing out these goofy little sheets for your vendors and b) refine ideas you didn't even know you had. After all the cool idea-sharing and pie-in-the-sky idea throwing arounding, it didn't take me long (most likely between the office and the car) to start guessing about how much these proposals were going to cost.

When both proposals came in at around 2,000 dollars, I wasn't surprised. Both florists assured us that we could take things down a notch if we needed/wanted to for cost reasons, but I was already thinking about alternatives. I mean, let's be honest: I'm not going to cook food for 100 people while getting my hair and makeup done on the big day. Likewise, I'm not going to be sticking dowel rods into layers of cake while my photographer snaps away. These undertakings are too big and too difficult to do myself. There are, the internet assures me, people who do... but I am not them. I know myself and what I can take. But what I started to realize is that who I am and what I can take definitely includes doing the flowers myself.

I know... I know... it's still a lot and it's still going to happen awfully close to the wedding and I have already fully admitted my novice-level skills on this one, but... it's a much more common diy project than any other, and the internet has bolstered my confidence (for good or ill). The biggest roadblock I've come across is that ordering flowers pretty much needs to happen in bulk and that means that you get a lot less variety. So, I've researched and researched and I'm still figuring out where exactly I want to spend my flower $$, but I'm excited about making this happen.

I guess we'll see when the big day comes how realistic this cost-saving measure was. I'm hoping to be able to do the flowers for under 500 dollars, but we'll have to see how that works out. I've selected an online flower wholesaler and I think we'll probably augment our flower selections with some local flowers - perhaps from Jungle Jims, Bigg's, or Trader Joe's? That way we can have a little variety in amongst all the oft-repeated bulk-purchased flowers. For awhile I was really anxious about this whole plan and there were plenty of people who tried to warn me away from it, but again... we'll just have to wait and see how it turns out. Sort of fun/suspenseful in a way (though I doubt I'll feel that calm about it when I'm stripping stems and wrestling with floral tape the day before my wedding!)

Vendor Meetings (Post 4 - DJ)

Hello, all! It's the end of July. How on the earth did we get here so soon? I keep hoping that the backlog of wedding updates I need to make (I'm thinking at least a post on Florists, the Dress, Bridesmaid dress shopping, the officiant, wedding diy projects, the save the dates, and the invitations....that's a lot of backlog) will somehow write themselves, but it's not happening. The reason I want all the "old" stuff out of the way is so that I can get to updating you little by little as things happen rather than writing about them so far after the fact. I GUESS the blog fairies are taking the summer off, though, so it's up to me to get this posting DONE!

In that vein, I'd like to tell you all about our DJ searching process. If I had to pin-point the most difficult vendor search, in some ways, I'd say it was the DJ search. My idea originally was to contact a minimum of five vendors from each category and then go from there, which we did with DJ's. Two NEVER got back to us... totally scratched off the list. Again, I state that I could be MUCH less picky. But... I'm not really all about second chances when this one really important day is on the line. Another DJ told us they were already all booked up for that day. Wow! Good for them... no good for us. So, it came down to two.

The first DJ - HMDJ - was love at first sight for me. Their website was REALLY well-done and featured a video starring the owner of the company talking all about why he views the DJ's role in the wedding as important. Here I suppose I should back up and note that a very popular money-saving trend is to have an iPod be your DJ. Before I saw this video, I was seriously considering this route. We've got a modest budget and we're cutting (small) corners where we can. I had horrible day-mares of a stuck-in-the-70's FM radio reject cheesing up each moment of the night. Though I'd recently been to a wedding with a decent DJ, I was still not sold on the whole necessity of a professional in this arena. After the video, though, I realized that the DJ is sort of the pace car for the reception. He helps to coordinate the timing of big events within the wedding - like the cake cutting, first dance, etc. Since I've only been to a few weddings and I want ours to go smoothly, I realized that we needed a good DJ.

The second DJ - PP - was a total backup plan. I was so sure that we'd love HMDJ that I was barely even interested in our meeting with PP. It just so happened that these two meetings got scheduled on back-to-back nights - PP first and HMDJ the next night. When we got to PP, the person we were meeting with was not available. I'm not complaining* for two reasons. First, I got to play Angry Birds for the first time. Umm... I was obsessed for weeks! It may or may not have been a big push for me to finally jump on the smart phone bandwagon. Second, it turns out that he was meeting with another couple and their meeting ran over. When our meeting ended up being over two hours long, I understood. A two hour meeting - especially when I see it here on the screen - sounds like a total nightmare, but I assure you, it was a blast! The meeting itself was like a little party and we got to know all about the music-selection process this company has** and we got to see the awesome personalities of one of their DJ's first hand. This company also offers lighting options and had an amazing slideshow of all the lighting options. He told us that we don't need to rent a dance floor because we can use lighting to define the dance floor area - genius!

In addition to pictures, they also showed us video of grand entrances into the reception, speeches, and different "special effects," like these CRAZY confetti canons they can shoot off. This DJ had wonderful ideas for the dollar dance***, the entrance into the room, etc. And... he had energy and was hilarious. I'm not saying he's not over the top; he for sure is. But, he's not cheesy, and that was my main concern. By the end of the evening, I really felt like he took time to get to know who we are as people (he suggested a book-themed lighting effect) and he really cared about making the event organized and fun. As we were leaving (starving for dinner because the meeting was SO long!), I said, "The company we're meeting with tomorrow had better really bring it. They've got a lot to prove****." What was amazing to me is that when the DJ at PP asked what other DJ's we were meeting with, we told him the name of the other company and he said they were very good and people always loved their service. There was an element of this whole process of seeing multiple vendors that made me feel very cheater-y and strange, but this DJ was so classy about it - it helped to really make me feel more comfortable.

Cut to the next evening. I was SO excited to meet HMDJ. I thought that if they were even a fraction as prepared and sensible as PP, we'd no doubt have a wonderful reception. Do you see where this is headed? Do you? If not, let me share the first detail that put me on alert: Their office was carpeted in scraps. No kidding. The "office" itself was a tiny room next to a MUCH larger and seemingly un-used room... the office included a gignormous leather couch, a coffee table, and a TV. Some people might feel at-ease in this sort of living room-esque office, but not me. Where was the conference table and deluxe sound and projection system of PP? After we sat down on the couch that tried to swallow us whole, the VERY FIRST thing the DJ said to us was, "Do you have any questions?" Umm... As a teacher I know that this is a really important question to ask... AFTER you provide some information. Thankfully, having been to a REAL DJ meeting the night before, I felt prepared to ask some big questions. I will say, the cool thing about HMDJ is that they have two DJ's for every event - one to run the show, and another to make sure the timing of everything works out. The DJ we met with said this second person would carry my plate through the buffet line, etc. While it's a cool service, it also seems a little unnecessary for me to have a DJ doing that for me...

After a very uncomfortable 10 minutes where the DJ was mostly asking questions about us, I asked about lighting options. He seemed very excited and explained that they had an awesome slide show on the computer that he could hook up to the TV. He tried to get it set up for about 2 minutes and then called in another DJ from the other room. They both tried for over 10 minutes to figure this out. At one point, the second DJ said, "If a man built it and designed it, a man can fix it..." Hmm... I don't know about you, fair readers, but I prefer my DJ's to be technologically savvy AND not chauvinists... I seriously almost walked out right then, but I really wanted to see this awesome slide show. Eventually, after another DJ showed up wearing sunglasses inside and talking about his "Kanye West look," the original DJ just handed us the laptop to watch the slideshow on... what a concept!! The slide show was 8 slides long. 8. 8... All this time to try and set it up, and it was 8 images. I can't really explain what went through my mind at this point, but I was past the point of frustration and moving on into inappropriate laughter brought on by the ridiculousness of the comparison between the two companies. After exchanging the briefest of formalities, we high-tailed it out of there.

After the laughter subsided, I actually started to feel really bad. The DJ that we met with at HMDJ was the brother of the owner. The owner seems to have worked really hard to build an online presence and a highly reviewed business, and the brother just really didn't seem to care. I actually thought for weeks about emailing the owner to let him know how really drastically different their site was vs. the in-person experience. Ultimately, I just wanted to be rid of the frat-house DJ's altogether. To be clear, from their online reviews, I'm pretty sure that we would've ended up having a good experience with HMDJ, but I was running scared after that meeting... too much bro-ishness and not enough professionalism for me! Oh - and get this... which was seriously just the last straw for me - when HMDJ asked who else we had met with, we told him PP. The HMDJ DJ claimed that the DJ we met with at PP tried to jump ship and join the other company when they met him at a wedding vendor event. I was SO PISSED. The DJ we met with at PP talked at length about how much he loved the company he works for and how he's been there for like 15 years helping to grow the business. I almost freaked out on the dishonest and just... LOW HMDJ DJ when he did that... just seriously inexcusable on every level - especially since the PP DJ had complimented them. I seriously wish I could express how unprofessional and frustrating HMDJ was...

So, we selected PP. Their company has a multi-tiered pricing option - you pay the lowest price for contracted DJ's who work just the events as booked, a higher price for dedicated employees of the company (like the DJ we met with), and the highest price for the owners of the company to DJ your event. Since we are having our wedding "off-season," we got a discounted rate and decided to spring for the DJ we met with. I just really felt like he got us and wanted to do everything he could to make our day special. I can't wait to continue working with him to decide on music, the timeline for the reception, and the lighting. I feel sure that he will really make the night an awesome one!!

Coming soon.... ALL that other stuff I listed above :)

*Not complaining?! Me?! Hey, there's a first time for everything.
**I don't know how other companies work, but this one has an online service where you can add things to a "maybe," a "yes," and a "no" list by artist or by song. It's awesome and really easy to use!
***Look, I love money as much as the next person (perhaps more??), but this tradition has always made me uncomfortable. For those not familiar, it's a dance where people pay to dance with the bride or the groom. The really COOL thing about it is that you get to spend a moment or two just with one guest at a time. At my friend's wedding, I paid to dance with HER and we just chatted about her big day for a second. It was a really special little bit of time. BUT... everyone's already bought 1 - maybe even 2 - presents, and it just weirds me out to then ask for even a little bit of money. Our DJ had a wonderful solution... I'll tell you all about it later ;)
****If you'll recall, this was the original "back-up" company!

Vendor Meetings (Post 3 - Photographer)

So, really... I should have posted this vendor meeting first because it was the first meeting J and I went on when planning this crazy upcoming event... (now less than 4 months away - eep!). See, we are really lucky. And I have to be honest, I didn't know how lucky we were, but I'm getting ahead of myself. We are lucky because one of my sister's closest friends is a wedding photographer. I thought that meeting with her would be a good way to dip our toes into the whole wedding vendor meetings thing and I thought it would be much more comfortable to try and work with someone who we sort of know*. And here's where the lucky comes in... because it's cool that Seester knows this photographer, but the thing is... SHE'S GOOD. And she's SO, SO professional. And sweet. I really could go on and on about her.

This was one of the best vendor meetings we had. Our photographer asked us a lot of questions about our vision for the wedding but also about us as a couple and talked us through not just her packages and options but also her philosophy as an artist and the typical wedding day and itinerary. She also brought an album with her, and I have to say, I don't care how much it costs, we WILL be getting one of these albums. They're printed like books with the pictures right onto the pages (which I know is becoming increasingly typical for vendor-printed albums), but the quality of all of the products used in the album was obvious from the look to the touch. I am hoping that maybe we can get one for our Christmas present to each other this year.

This post honestly isn't as long as the others because the vendor made the decision SO simple. There was no "let's meet with other folks" or "she was great, but this one thing worried me..." - it was all golden. I left this vendor meeting skipping and giddy - seriously. I think part of it was that it was the first real step towards getting the wedding together, but the biggest part was that I felt so right about choosing this vendor for our wedding. She has been so generous with her time, energy, and ideas and we aren't even to the day yet!

I actually had my first-ever Skype meeting with this vendor - she lives in the Cleveland area - and we started to really nail down the details. We started talking about the timeline for the day and locations for shooting our posed shots - I hadn't even thought about going other places for pictures - DUH! It's a good thing we're hiring smart, professional vendors. I am so clueless and really need their help!

We also scheduled our engagement pictures - this Friday! I hate having my picture taken, so I'm a little nervous about it, but we've got some outfits planned and my sister is helping with my hair and makeup. We selected to have the pictures taken at the park where we had our first kiss** and I'm really hopeful that it'll be a good location for some cute pictures! Unfortunately, this is the middle of crazy season for our photographer, so we won't have the images back for a little while. I'm okay with that! The closer they come to the wedding, the more excited I'll be for the main event. I think this will also be a good warm-up to getting used to being photographed, which will obviously be a big part of the wedding itself. I promise to share a few pics once we get them back!! (And I may have been scouting frames for them at Crate and Barrel today... maybe) :)

*My sister and this photographer didn't become close friends until after I'd gone away to college, so I don't know her as well as many of my sister's childhood friends (who called themselves the Mafia, but that's another story for another day!)
** I know this is hella dorky, but I feel entitled to some dorkiness in this whole process.

Vendor Meetings (Post 2 - Caterers)

So, thankfully the school year caught me up in its typical whirlwind and I haven't been able to post to the blog for awhile. Why do I say "thankfully"? I say "thankfully" for your own sake, dear reader, because it means that the rest of the vendor posts will be coming to you through the hazy fog of memory. Again, why is this good? It's good because there won't be 5,000 words about all the rest of the vendors... I don't think any of us had that in us, anyway ;)

I can't remember, for instance, what vendors we were really interviewing at what part of the process, so I'll go now to talking about the caterers. We had originally contacted about 5 caterers, but only ended up interviewing two of them. Maybe I shouldn't admit this, but one of them was eliminated pre-meeting for an email sent in all caps. Another was eliminated pre-meeting because they sent us a proposal that was clearly from another couple's event with only a few details changed. Most of the information on the proposal was completely wrong. I know it may seem ruthless to cut vendors so little slack - God knows I've needed much more in my own professional life - but... these are really important first impressions, and fair or not, I'm judging their ability to make a really big day actually somehow come together from these emails, so... lots of pressure and judgment ensue.

Our first caterer meeting was with V's. We went back to the bridal district for this meeting and by this time, I really thought I knew the area... apparently I was wrong. Thankfully, this company seriously owns an entire block in the bridal district, so we eventually found them. Our photographer had told us that tastings were the most fun part of the process because you got treated like royalty, and she was definitely right. The caterer had a room with a table set up just for us with lovely place-settings, water, and a cool slide show of events that they've done. We had set up with the caterer ahead of time what dishes we wanted to taste, so we knew what to expect. What impressed me the most was that the owner of the company made the time to meet with us and go over everything with us. He was VERY knowledgeable about everything from options for plates, napkins, etc. to what size tables our specific venue has. Having a caterer who knew our location was a huge bonus. He also did a really good job of combining their standard offerings with the specific items that we wanted to see. He wasn't afraid to share his opinion, but ultimately he respected the choices we made. He got back to us with a proposal less than a week after the tasting.

The second caterer we met with was ATC. We had heard good reviews about this caterer and she seemed very professional in her emails. On the way to her office, J and I realized that we'd seriously underestimated the amount of time that it would take us to get all the way out to Hamilton, so we were like 40 minutes late (the downpour and ensuing ridiculous traffic didn't help!) Despite our lateness, we clicked with this caterer very well. In her way of doing things, you have a meeting to discuss options first, then a proposal, and then start doing tastings. This seemed fine to me and we really enjoyed our meeting with her. It was like sitting down and chatting with a friend. She is from Florida and we shared our mutual desire to live near water again... but you can't choose your wedding vendors based on the things you have in common with someone! We waited and waited for her proposal. When we emailed her about it, she said she'd have it in two days (she was already over 4 days late from what she'd told us at the meeting) and then we waited another four days to get the proposal. Getting questions answered about the proposal was difficult, and by that point, we decided to cut and run. One of my biggest fears* about choosing vendors was that we'd end up with people who would be terrible communicators. Honestly, if V's hadn't been such an utter home run, we probably would've given ATC more of a chance, but it was excuse after excuse with them and we felt MUCH more comfortable with V's.

When it came down to it, our choice was made on 1-Cost. When you're throwing a big event with lots of elements, this seems to always come first. For instance, we're having plastic plates at the reception. When V's first suggested it, I was very adamantly against it. But... when they showed me what the plastic plates looked like and then told me how (very) much it would cost to do china, I changed my mind**. We are getting married in a barn, afterall!! The compromise we made here is that I wanted to pair the plasticware with real silverware and real napkins. It added a little cost, but I think it will still look nice. 2-Good food! Since the wedding is in the fall, I really want to select a caterer who can do some traditional wedding food with a fall sort of flair. We decided to go with a white meat and a red meat to try to keep everyone's tastebuds happy. We also decided on just beer and wine for alcohol at the reception. In addition to keeping costs under control, this allowed us to ensure that no one (hopefully!) will get too tipsy at the reception. I know that some people may perceive it as cheap, but hopefully the good, local beer J picked out will make those people happy anyway***. The cool thing is that the budget for the event includes a bunch of beer and wine, but whatever isn't opened doesn't end up on our final bill! 3- Professionalism. This ended up being a lot more important that I would've thought it would be for EVERY vendor, but the big difference between the two companies here really put this into sharp relief. I think that how easy the company is to work with now will hopefully be a predictor of their future professionalism.

We still have some final details to work out with the caterer about how many servers and when they'll set up, but we've got our deposit down and we think we made a really good choice on this one! I feel like the company we chose is so professional that they will take care of everything!


*Honestly, this fear comes from watching a lot of those house flipping/renovating shows where the poor homeowners are always working with shady contractors who never get the job done and leave holes in the walls and then racoons move in... you get the idea.
**And as J noted, lighter plates at the buffet line means you can comfortably hold more food on each plate - haha!
***I am learning that you can't even come close to making everyone happy when you're wedding planning, so I've sort of given up on trying!!

Vendor Meetings (Post 1 - Cakes!)

We have started a very exciting but time-consuming phase of wedding planning: Meeting with Vendors! It’s actually an interesting phase because we’re moving from the “this picture of a centerpiece looks so cute on this blog” phase to the “HOW much does cake delivery and set-up cost?!” phase. There’s a lot of budget-considering going on and a lot of comparing and contrasting. I guess that technically our vendor meetings started on March 13^th when we met with “our” photographer, but that meeting was so much fun and so simple (we all left feeling like “Yep, we can check that vendor category off the list!) that I almost don’t consider it part of this process at all. (And no, we still haven’t signed a contract with her yet… I keep hoping that the wedding budget fairies will give us enough for her largest package, but it looks like the medium one will have to do. THANKFULLY I know she will do SO much with that time and with those photos that I’m starting to get over it.)

It should come to no surprise to those that know us that the food/cake part of the planning process has been first and foremost to us. First of all, it (especially the catering) represents a huge part of the budget and the impact of the celebration, and second of all… we like to eat!

#1: Our first vendor “meeting” was at a local bakery that I will call P’s*. When we sent out all the vendor emails (and J has TOTALLY taken charge with this process and is totally amazing at it!), this bakery told us that we didn’t need to make an appointment to come in for a tasting. They have all their most popular cake and filling flavors available each day and you can schedule an appointment after that point if you decide to proceed with their services. It didn’t seem like a bad idea in theory, especially since I’m a very anxious person about things like this, but in reality it didn’t entirely work out. I will say this: All the cake was very good. It was moist and flavorful. When I held the slice of spice cake up to my face, it was so aromatic! The fillings, though… were not impressive aside from the cream cheese, which had a lot of tangy semi-sour character. The fruit fillings were all over-processed goo (and probably full of high fructose corn syrup, which my mom is steadily convincing me is the devil!) So, really, the cake wasn’t the problem. It was the service… The bakery was very busy with all types of business while we were there. A birthday cake, another wedding cake, and an anniversary cake were all being ordered while we were there. The couple who was there for their wedding cake had made an appointment to discuss the details, so we were left with HUGE albums full of pictures to wade through. The pictures were not labeled with details about which techniques, etc. were used and many of them were from magazines, which really bothered me. I want to see what THIS bakery can do, not what bakeries in general can do… Ominously, as I picked up the largest of these albums, the leather stuck to the glass-top table and I broke off two of my nails – my real nails. I was honestly too focused on the task at hand to make much of a fuss, but damn! That REALLY hurts**! Anyway, when we were ready to leave and had a few questions, the proprietor of the shop was still in her meeting, so we left without talking to anyone about our ideas. J’s very astute observation was that this bakery had the attitude that “We’re happy to have your business, but we don’t need it.” I’m not saying that we want to work with someone who is desperate for business, but it is nice to feel like someone special when you’re planning such a special day. We also, overall, felt that P’s was a VERY traditional bakery. There is really, really nothing wrong with traditional (especially when you are entering into one of the oldest traditions around), but I find it hard to believe that there will be anything very traditional about our wedding. I’d like to find someone to work with that really GETS our aesthetic for the day, and I’m not sure that P would.

As we left the bakery, we realized that we have three criteria for cakes: Cost (which most bakeries are very upfront about and which is fairly consistent and easy to calculate across the board), Taste, and Appearance. The first two are easier for me to asses, but the third is hard. We want a very simple but fairly non-traditional style for our cake, and we are finding that most bakeries do not have an example of this work in their portfolios… That makes me nervous! P’s had high marks for taste, but medium marks for price and low marks for appearance (according to our more non-traditional standard).

#2: The very next night, we had scheduled a tasting with SWB*. I was excited for this meeting because we had driven past this shop the night before after leaving the first tasting and it looked like the opposite of P’s: very small and non-traditional. From our first impression, I really liked this bakery. It is very cozy and you can see the kitchen from the SMALL sitting area out front. At P’s, the actual kitchen was sequestered away out of view and it made me feel strangely uncomfortable. The proprietor of this bakery appears to be a one-woman show, and she was very hands-on during our meeting. Her portfolios were all pictures of her own work and were labeled with the materials and techniques used for each cake. The BEST thing about this bakery is that there were 3 or 4 cakes in her portfolio that were executed PERFECTLY in the style that we want. No other bakery we have visited has had this going for them. My big sadness here was that I didn’t really like the cake. The flavors were good but not very strong (which I think is sort of important – I like to really be hit over the head with dessert flavors) and the cake seemed very dry to me. I actually sort of choked when I first bit into the spice cake. The fillings at SWB were MUCH better than at P’s, though! The best thing, for me, (besides the design) was that this baker was very focused on details of the day itself – what time could she deliver the cake, where would we leave the topper, etc. This really made me feel comfortable because I think day-of coordination could get tricky, and if all our vendors are this time-line focused, I am sure that will go much better. I also liked that this baker helped us to understand how many tiers we will need (100) and suggested that we choose two flavors: one for the top*** and middle (since the top only serves 10-12 people) and one for the bottom tier. SWB got high marks for price and appearance, but lower marks on taste.

#3: Our next meeting, which was last Tuesday was at SPS*. This bakery had lots of dummy cakes in their meeting area and had very cool albums as well. The only gripe I have with their designs is that a lot of them really looked the same, and unfortunately, none of them were more towards what we are looking at. There is a big trend with wedding cakes these days where the buttercream is spread on very carefully to look smooth and texture-less like fondant and then has ribbons between each of the layers. It is REALLY beautiful and professional looking (all the weddings I’ve been to over the past few years had this design), but it’s just not right for our little old barn wedding. Unfortunately, almost all SPS’ designs were of this ilk. Not unfortunately, SPS let us try BIG pieces of cake**** of like six or seven different flavors including (from my faulty memory): chocolate, white, red velvet, carrot, hummingbird, and pumpkin. We also tried at least 15 flavors including some silly ones like twinkie and cookies and cream. The cake and fillings were all delicious. Though I’d never choose it for a wedding cake, hummingbird cake is one of my VERY MOST favorite cakes ever and I was in Heaven eating it! The fillings were also totally delicious. I was obsessed with the three berry and the cream cheese icing, but I didn’t much like most of their mousse fillings – more of a personal preference, as J totally ate them all. Despite the huge servings, we basically cleaned the plate. (Except for the red velvet – total chemical flavor [as you often have with that style]). The girl that assisted us with our tasting was sweet and enthusiastic, but not terribly knowledgeable – she had to keep running to the back to ask questions. She also asked us to send a picture to them of what we wanted the cake to look like. I’m not saying this is crazy, in fact, it’s a good idea, but it also didn’t inspire a lot of confidence in the “we’ve done this 100 times, don’t you worry” category. For awhile, we convinced ourselves that we wanted a much more complicated/expensive design (like the image here but with fall leaves instead of cherry blossoms) but once we really thought about the style (and, let’s be honest) the cost, we decided against that. SPS had high, high marks for taste but medium marks for price and appearance.

#4 – Okay… by this point we’re exhausted, but there’s the very serious matter of CAKE on the line, here, and we cannot slack. Our final meeting made us feel very trepidatious (fearful – and I only define this because apparently I made this word up from its cousin “trepidation”) when we realized that the baker runs her business out of her home, but a dose of fresh spring air, the ADORABLE Doberman puppies across the street, and her “Knot Best of 2011” plaque all assuaged our fears. Also, her house smelled like REALLY good cookies. Like actual cookies, not the “Sugar Cookie” candle from the mall. At TB’s, we tried her most popular flavors: Chocolate with a chocolate/hazelnut filling, white with a raspberry filling, and strawberry (it was so ungodly pink!) with Bavarian cream filling. I instantly clicked with this baker. While we were talking about our cake style, she started sketching out a model of the cake and she complimented my wedding-style inspiration and ideas. I mean, I know that flattery is part of the process, but she was honestly the first person to have done that, which surprises me. (Especially because I think it would really work on most brides: “You like me? You like my ideas? I’m incredibly vulnerable right now and everyone else is questioning me… You’re hired!”) Anyway, she, too, has not yet done a cake of our style, and when I showed her a picture of what we were thinking, she pulled up a photo of a recent cake that she did that she considered “similar.” Let’s just say that her definition of “similar” and my definition are… dissimilar. Random aside: While we were meeting, she divulged that she was working on an order for an upcoming event that required her to make 1,500 cupcakes… this woman is my kind of insane! Anyway, she was totally willing to do a custom tasting of pumpkin spice cake this upcoming Tuesday, so I’m looking forward to that! The funny thing about this tasting was that I loved, loved, loved her chocolate and white cakes, but J hated them! He said that they tasted chemically and were too moist. Too moist? Cake? Unless they’re raw in the middle… I think that there’s no such thing as “too moist,” but apparently my FH and I disagree on this! We both decided to wait until after the new tasting to make a final decision about that. TB had a medium score on all accounts.

So… we’re not even really close to making a decision about that, but we both have agreed that appearance is most important, followed closely by price, and then followed by taste. It’s not that we don’t want our guests to enjoy dessert – we REALLY do, but… pictures last forever, and we want the cake to look nice, so we are trying to make the most balanced decision that we can. Any thoughts about this, especially from already-weds are greatly appreciated! In any event, we’re not planning to meet with anymore bakeries, so at least we’ve got our choices laid out before us!

Another post will follow soon about our catering meetings (one down, one to go) our florist meetings (two down, none to go), and our DJ meetings (none down, two to go – this week!). Hope you’re all REALLY interested in my most minute thoughts about this process ;)

*If anyone wants the actual vendor names because they are planning a wedding or celebration, let me know… I just didn’t want to dish all the dirt in a completely open forum… protect the innocent and all that.

** Until about a year ago, I was a habitual nail biter, but when I found out that biting your nails can lead to infections, I somehow grew the willpower to stop biting my nails. Once I got engaged, I really started caring about my hands looking nice (to match Mr. Sparkly!) and have been “wearing” my nails long (though I have a feeling that phrase is not right…) So, needless to say, this nail-breaking pain was new and not so fun for me!

*** For those of you who have been married in the past, you may be staring at the screen in disbelief – EATING the top layer?! One of the really cool changes in the wedding cake industry over the past however-many years is that they serve the top layer and then bake you a new top layer gratis for your first anniversary. That way you’re not paying for freezer-burned, year-old cake!! It’s a cool tradition.

**** You’re right – these footnotes ARE getting out of control… but… FYI: When you are going to cake tastings, don’t expect more than a crumb of each flavor. Seriously, people! If you’re baking the samples fresh just for us, don’t use the mouse-sized pan! We can handle the extra sugar ;)

222

So... I logged into theknot.com today to look at the "50 Photographs You Have to Have" (me and my mom... a picture of my bouquet - no way! - total waste of time!). While I was logged in, a little personalized part of the site popped up and told me that there are 222 days till our wedding. I like that number! It's smaller than 365, but big enough to (hopefully) encompass ALL that we have to do.

The weekend before last, I spent a LOT of time on weddingwire.com, a ratings-based wedding vendor site, and I made a list of 3-5 vendors from each category (florist, baker, DJ, caterer) and we got in contact with a bunch of them via email. Since then, there's been a flurry of emails back and forth and we've finally started to set appointments with the vendors. This week, we have two cake tastings and a catering tasting. We're looking at as many fall-inspired elements as we can find, and I'm REALLY excited for the cake tasting on Wednesday. We're trying 3 cakes: 1-Chocolate w/ Raspberry Filling, 2-Hazelnut w/ Hazelnut Chocolate Filling, 3-Spice w/Cream Cheese filling. I am determined to have a spice cake layer, and the others sound amazing, too! Our photographer (who is also planning her wedding) told us that you get treated like royalty when you go in for tastings, so I'm excited for that little bit of pampering!

Speaking of our photographer, J and I are SO lucky! I guess, though, that I really shouldn't call her "our" photographer yet because we cannot decide on what package we want, but we have totally decided on the person, so I suppose that counts for something. Anyway, not only is she incredibly talented and ridiculously within our price range, but she is also the sweetest and most professional vendor. Honestly, the most important thing I can say about our meeting with her is that after we left (my parents came, too!) all of us were smiling, excited, and couldn't wait to work with this photographer.

It was important to me that I felt excited after the meeting, because what I've discovered since my last post, where I ruminated on things as simple as words(!), is that a wedding is a business. And a weird business at that, because it will only be in operation for one day. So, whereas in my professional life when I'm learning something new or stretching my comfort level, it's useful later, I'm not so sure I can say the same about all this trial-by-firing off emails wedding planning stuff. I'm certainly learning a lot, but I can't for the life of me think of when I might use this stuff later!

Thankfully, here's the checklist for now:

Reception/Ceremony location - check!
Officiant - check! (can't wait to tell you more about this!)
Photographer - check(ed out)!
Other Vendors.... coming along!

Also... I'm pretty sure I've settled on my dress. Not being one for shopping in person, and being one for LUCKILY stumbling across a TEA-LENGTH DRESS with SLEEVES (both things I wanted... in one dress... a dress I can [sort of] afford?!?!) as I was browsing online in January, I'm pretty sure I'm ready to take measurements and make an order. I may make at least one trip to Bridal Row in Reading to look at other options, but I'm happy that my dress is out there (in theory, at least!)

I am hopeful that by the beginning of May we will have all our major vendors signed, but we'll see how these meetings progress. I'm also excited for an upcoming trip to the library to look at old editions of Martha Stewart Weddings Fall.

Between now and my next update, I will leave a little wedding planning inspiration for you to peep - from Queen Martha herself! (Photo from http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/wheat-wreath?backto=true&backtourl=/photogallery/fall-good-things-for-weddings#slide_2)