The nomenclature of engagement

I did not know how to spell fiance(e) until a few weeks ago. Well, to clarify, I wasn't sure which one to use for which person. Having taken Spanish in high school, a language that makes a modicum of sense, I was very confused by the -e -ee endings on fiance and fiancee. When I was emailing a potential vendor to ask about seeing a reception site, I had to google the spelling to ensure I wasn't turning myself into a man - insofar as the email was concerned at least.

Beyond the spelling of this new word, I am kerfuffled by its usage. I am so used to being a girlfriend who has a boyfriend (8 years will do that to you) that getting used to calling J* my fiance has taken quite a bit of doing. I am constantly catching myself in the middle of the word "boyfriend" and switching to "fiance". People think it's cute now. They're like "Aww, it's new. You're excited." Wait till they realize how poor my memory is (just shy of that guy from Memento)... knowing me, I'll be calling J my boyfriend when we're celebrating our tin** anniversary. Apparently I am not alone in this. J shared a story with me from work last week. He was sharing some bit of holiday news with his co-workers when suddenly one of the other librarians stopped to ask him who this "girlfriend" was that he kept referring to, and asked if he was seeing someone on the side. I think we're both going to need these not-so-subtle reminders that we have, in fact, taken a step in a new direction.

Then there's this whole thing with "we". Even though, as I said, J and I have been together longer than I care to (or even really can) remember, I have never REALLY thought of us as a "we". We were two "I's", coexisting happily. Now, I really feel as if we're some sort of unit of person-ness, which is hella-weird for me. Right after I got engaged as I was telling the story to people, I kept hearing myself say "I want to get married in October" and "I am really excited" and things of that nature. These statements kept sounding odd to me, and finally I realized that starting when J pushed that ring across the table at me, we were no longer two "I's". We are now a we. That doesn't mean I'm going to start talking for him or making decisions for him, but it does mean that we are sort of linked together now. I suppose it's possible that we always were a we and I was just too me to see it, but the focus has shifted towards a future and that seems to require a move from the singular to the plural.





*J doesn't want me using real names or posting pictures for now. He prefers we keep things a bit more private out here on the world wide webs, and I'm totally okay with that!
** Apparently this is the 10th anniversary gift??